first day of the new year...

and already i feel so jumbled up.

my first ever mass on my own. well, it could have been worse. kudos to andrea for such a lovely psalm. :D the mic died. so the poor lector was just standing there. she's the new one, if i remember correct. sigh. aunty agnes should have told her to go to the lector stand on the altar straight away. and why da heck would they lock the back of the altar during mass? wanted to check if the thingy was on and the door was locked. woah. but, like i said, for the first mass of the year and my virgin full mass, it wasn't too bad.

i really really really need to get a catholic calender because, to my horror, i discovered that this coming sunday isn't the 2nd sunday after christmas. it's the ephiphany. damn. and i painstakingly figured out a really really nice accompaniment for 2nd sunday after christmas and prepared to defy fr khoo to play it. sigh. so sorry jess, if you're reading this. i'll just have to do the nwc for her asap. lucky we didn't stay back for hours learning it. so ma fan that so many things are falling on a sunday this year.

tired from the chronic lack of sleep for the past few days. haha! lucky sch isn't starting so soon. 9 jan. i dread the day. i got my psych module! haha! have to wait till 3rd before i can bid for the other modules. which hopefully all goes according to plan so that it won't disturb the very beautiful timetable i've done.

anyway, i'm kinda sad cos it seems like my 2 best friends are breaking their friendship. it's sad cos these 2 have been with me for so long, gone through so much together and now. sigh. all relationships need to be worked on. arguments and quarrels are common things but it doesn't mean that at the slightest bit of rough patch, break friendship. i don't know. i think i'm disappointed that they are acting like this. doesn't the past 2 years of friendship count for anything? i'm hoping that they'll reconcile but no matter what happens between them, i hope that it won't mean goodbye forever. uni is such a peculiar 'finishing school' that's changing all of us so much. sometimes change is good but we don't see it yet. if they are destined to break, then i hope that it'll be better for them and for those around them.

and whoever's interested, i emailed the guy. he didn't reply. so forget it. forget it! it's over! he's obviously not interested anymore. gosh. such strong words from me. it'll be a test of my resolve if and when i next see him.

ok, my first clossip for the year. a little birdie on the msg board has it that clay said "i fell in love with her" about angela. Oooooo..... i'm now trying to d/l the clips to see if it's true. haha! maybe she's the One. the clearwater JNT seems to be fun. they were playing pranks on william joseph during his pre-concert show. for eg, during 'kashmir', apparently clay was playing 'invisible' inside his ear piece, trying to distract him. and william retorted by saying, "what [clay]'s not realising is, his show's after mine. 'o holy night' is gonna be a few keys higher tonight." clay's encore piece was 'what are you doing new year's eve'. he did it the walking in way, like he did with 'kyrie'. and it was so sweet! the instrumental part in the middle, he stopped to dance with an old lady in the aisle, then kissed her hand at the end. :D

right. new year means resolutions. i resolve to:

-lose weight, grow 3cm and have a healthier lifestyle
-concentrate more on my studies and things that matter
-be more confident about myself
-not swear so much
-not be so blur
-learn to conduct with 2 hands
-not let my messing with my mind about religion actually affect my religion
-quit being so paranoid about the end of the world

for the church choir that i'm taking over (die!), well, my goals are kinda similar to what dawn was telling me about. anyway, in case anyone's interested. my goals for the choir are:

-for everyone to know basic note reading skills
-find another organist/conductor
-get another cantor, preferably a guy
-learn a new song every month or so (when i get the hang of myself then i'll start calling practices)
-ULTIMATE AIM!! sing SATB by christmas time.

wanna share this thing that i saw on the blog "mind kibble"

Go For It!!

I hate New Year’s Resolutions. They’re all poppycock. Sure make changes in your life, but why wait for a New Year to do it?

So instead of resolutions I’m going to share some of my “getting better as I get older” ways of going for it and risks worth taking in life that I’ve taken hold of!!

1) Be the first to say “I love you”, only if it comes from the heart of course.

2) Don’t be shy. Introduce yourself to someone that you’ve wanted to meet or get to know. Who knows, at worst they may not be all you’ve imagined them to be after all, and at best, it could be the start of something great.

3) Forgive. Let go of bitterness and hate, feel the freedom of forgiveness.

4) Go naked! Physically and emotionally! Expose yourself emotionally to those you trust and learn to love your own body. Don’t traumatize your kids though. I hated it when my mother walked around naked and when a roommate from school made it a habit to shed her clothes the minute she got in till the minute she left for classes.

5) Paint an abstract painting! Finger paint it if you dare (don't use oil paints then) and if you dare even more, combine it with #4.

6) Smile. Don’t be goofy or smile without sincerity. Smile from the heart. I love to thank cashiers and baggers at the grocery store then look at them deep in their eyes and give them a warm smile.

7) Write your memoirs, book or screenplay! Write it for yourself and not because you think you can get it published or bought by a studio.

8) When you shake someone’s hand, be sincere. Just as in # 6, look that person in the eye, feel the warmth of their clasped hand in yours and get in touch with that special human connection.

9) Don’t be afraid. Of ANYTHING!

10) Give yourself a physical challenge. Choose the mountain you’ll climb, the marathon you’ll run, or the certificate you’ll earn in a sport. Make it something that requires discipline and effort. Your body and mind will thank you!

11) Dance! Dance with your spouse, significant other, children and by yourself! Dance with everyone and anyone. Feel the rhythms in life and music and move with them in joy!